Friday, April 3, 2009

Tides of March

I'm back, but it took longer than expected.

I'm on Protrero Hill, which is where I should be in the afternoon of the perfect day that I discovered back in January. It's 6pm. I've been working with focus and energy since 11, a late start but also an easy one. I felt my blood pumping about work all day, a Presidian joined me for part of the day, and all it took was a short-notice text message. I'm where I want to be.

Last week was different. After the strain in Feb, which really went until mid-March, I felt shut down and disconnected. I couldn't focus, when I worked I didn't feel the rush and excitement that I'm feeling now. I read comics and played video games and excessively watched Hulu.

I'm not certain what broke me out, I think it was ecsatic dance. I went to the east bay with Jen and went to a spiritual dance thing, to my surprise I felt very sensitive to the emotional state of the people there. It wound up being overwhelming, but since then I feel like I've been able to connect fully with the people and work that I value most.

The lesson here is that I need to value and maintain that connection. Cramming too much into my schedule shuts it down, I switch to stress as a motivator and just react to my schedule. Once it's shut down it takes a while, and maybe something spiritual, to get me back in sync. Spiritual for me means communities and emotional expression, maybe other things as well.

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